Inner Thought

What I Know about Losing A Lover (Again)

There are so many things that people who have lost love knew. They knew that part of their soul have been gone to the alterside, a doorstep that very close yet far away. They knew about the wheel that keep spinning, and their direction has never been the same again since that day. They knew that the movie has end, but had they go home so soon, they will find empty bed and cold cake, untouched. So they would read the closing credits running on the big cinema screen just to buy more time. 

I know about losing. The dense air that pollute my lungs when I try hard to breath normally. Your familiar scent that brought back thousand ships of good memories. Every street and corner, places to exchange stories. Dreams that we build by stones and sweat. Songs that keep repeating the revery. Friends that keep wondering what’s going on with our story.

But it will go away.

People who have lost understand. That a mutual decision is not supposed to hurt. It meant to save each lover, encourage them, bringing the best in them. Sometimes it comes with the sweet pink ribbon package to set their lover free.

Why did I set you free? (Or you set me free). Maybe because we were just two adults who happened to stumbled upon each other pathway. We get along with great things in between.We made each other better, without demanding too much. You and I didn’t fit with all “against the wold” teenager crap, because we are – of course – belong to those bigheaded grown ups who want to make the world a better place.

But it eventually go away.

What people who have lost love learn, is that they once or twice love someone that much. It feel like they won’t make it a day more without their significant others. It feel like when there is a possibility that their precious is being taken away from them, it will ripped out their soul, body, and mind so cruel they might die painfully. But then it occured. And guess what, they don’t die.

I think I would suffer some terribly grey and cloudy days ahead when we part in that coffee shop downtown. I think I will weep the ocean dry. I think I will write sad stories, then play sad song, and eat sad ice cream with sad thick topping, while walking on the sad shoes, waving to sad cab that driving along the sad street. I didn’t.

It has gone away.

Truth is I forget how does it feel to be really sad. You built me brick and brick strong and sound. Truth is I slowly forget how does it feel to love you melancholically. Because I managed to wash the feeling away for good. But as cold as I become, remember that just because I don’t feel it anymore doesn’t mean the feeling once shared wasn’t true. It just is no longer relevant anymore, not if we mutually decided to move on to the next phase of life without each other companion.

And, just like other people who have lost love, someday we will find another lover. Someday I will find a person who makes me feel weird, person who doesn’t mind me being weird. And we will go in each other side to the weird place, wearing weird clothes, doing weird hobbies, reading weird books, talking weird languages, and admit how in each other company we feel the completely normal. That lover will be the reason of my simple happiness. Like never before.




But I’m afraid it will go away. Again.


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