Inner Thought



It’s day +2 after my birthday, hour +3 after my thesis proposal seminar, hour-4 before orchestra practice. I am sitting in Seraffin coffee shop on the north part of Tugu Jogja, sipping the thick avocado ice blend in this daydreaming atmosphere, with Nitha, one of my besties. Each of us typing on our own laptop and nodding once the music hits the tune we recognized.

Still in formal suits from campus, I breath a while before continuing work on laptop, take off my wet black flatshoes, randomly grab Lauren Oliver “Before I Fall” and almost really fall..asleep while Landon Pigg fall in love in the coffee shop. Then, before I really fall, I touch the piano on the corner of the room. Wish someone sit there and play Yiruma.

I memorize Ika Natassa once said, “delusion is not harmful in themselves, they only hurt when one is alone in believing them.” There’s not enough energy today for being delusional, I keep reminding myself. There’s only me and this chick struggling for life (read: thesis) right here right now. Nevertheless, the absence of that someone or anyone else at the end becomes something we gratefully  celebrate.

For what it’s worth we swore we love coffee shop in the afternoon. This big Paris-look-alike room is for our own, that’s why.

And for what it’s worth, I swear I love the new age that comes to me right now, I’m keeping my track to grow.

Nitha sipped her caramel latte. Rolling her green long sleves half-armed. A beep-lamp on her phone and the typical smile she show for the cold monitor gave me the idea who she texted with. As confirmation, she yelled out loud,

“Somebody wants you to teach him, how to move on THAT fast?”

“Simple,” I roll my eyes. “Totality! When i love, I totally do. When I leave, I totally am.”

“Why can’t only loving,” she held the words for a while, “without leaving?”

“Here I give you an analogy. I am not hungry when I got here, therefore I didn’t order any pastry even I heard they made the best in town. I also aware myself already got too much caffeine last night therefore I didn’t order latte like yours. Only this avocado blend with, okay, a little caffeine. And it’s cool. It suits my condition the most.”

She blinked, “So your point is?”

“We make the option! Come’on! Focus on our own life! Compare stay with the scars, I prefer loving myself more. I chose to be happy, with or without him.”

My best friend laughed.

“This person asked one more time, oh I start to feel exhausted of being moderator,” she slammed her body to the flowery sofa. “What if my definition of happiness is by letting the other happiness upon my own?”

“Well, that sounds like a pseudo-happiness. Good luck, mate!”

Then I let her continuing the chat with no intention to interupt, you know, that smirky smile.

Happiness. For me it’s a state of mind. It’s how we focus to preserve what we have rather than what we don’t.

Someone said, sometimes we need to start the pray with ‘thank you’ instead of ‘please’.

So here,

For the midnight surprise. For the cake, candles, and lovely message that left when i open the door in the morning. For the mother kiss on the forehead. For the birthday song and sudden gift in office briefing. For the catchy hand-sketch (OMG this is great, wait until you see it). For the kind accompanion in the hospital queue. For the me time I took on the reflexology, for the rain, for the rice field with golden paddy. For the texts. For the mentions. For the hashtag. For the virtual cake. For the video. For the blogpost. For the night call. For the voicenote. For the package. For the letter.

I thank you very much for all the wishes.

Oh yeah, and for the domain!!! Now I posses my own dot com! The home of the world born at the same day with the owner. Eureka!!!! 😀

Seeing this flooding attentions, I believe I am not delusional in love or being loved. At least, not alone. Hahah.

Age is just a number. Our people is what matter.

I’m not expecting to be forever 21. However, having Forever 21 branch Store here in Jogja city would be nice, thou! Sincerely waiting. 😛



here are the bloody masterpieces!!!!! bloody thank youuuuu, people!!!!!!

GMCOHanifwhiteboard agensi Deri Pandu Hawwin  evan    kop jurusan dhimbay megan nitha Pandu  Vidya Andin andredhimbayGitashofi awanis


6 thoughts on “21.

  1. The Asker says:

    If happiness is state of mind, would you blame a person if she chooses a different side of mind state? What if she is devoted for others, simply because she has nothing left in this world, or others indeed mean the world for her? Would you call the martyrs, the Jesus-like persons, and the platonic-lovers as simply moronic? What if they are content with this kind of state of mind? Why does one’s happiness matter more than other people’s happiness? Is egotism the right way to live?

    • you asked too much for a simplicity like happiness.
      devotion is merely a choice. since life is irreversible, one should choose the right “other” to be imprinted.
      Jesus, obviously choose his believers, and he’s granted by eternal heaven. far from ego, this is a big sacrifice.
      Superman, Batman, Iron Man, choose to defend weak people as their supremacy. Romeo, the legendary platonic-lover, choose to die. Not to mention those figure are fictional.
      It is important to differ egotism and delusionism. For an ordinary human being, sometimes the right way to be a hero is by stop trying to be a hero and save people life….if we can’t.
      Different story if….we…think…we….can…though 😉

      • The Asker says:

        That’s cute. But far too many heroes died in a battlefield to ensure you can live here in freedom. Too much sacrifice has been given by your parents for you. And there are so many unsung heroes who may have sacrificed something to you in some ways. You, who may not actually be known to them. Tell me, are they all delusional?

        Why is being so unselfish is not happiness? There is no such thing as hero. Only, characters.

  2. The Asker says:

    And this place where you sat at, Seraffin, comes from the Hebrew “Seraphim”, meaning “the burning ones”. May your future be burning bright just like the Sirius in the southern sky, young lady!

    p.s.: why don’t you compile all the tweetpic sent to you? Or is it just me and Nitha who sent you birthday cake pictures?

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